A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and
become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was
involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all
she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully
for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came
back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing
an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear
ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an
error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said,
"During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50%
of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is
also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it
THROUGH the exhaust..." An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long
illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in
the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it
can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month." Murphy, shocked and
saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and
walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room.
There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said,
"Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things
don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've
been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few
pints." After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less
somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached
by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy
told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell
them that they were drinking to his impending end.
He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live
as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their
condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Murphy's
son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were
dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from
AIDS!" Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want
any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
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